VicLovan.com - 7 Rules for MySpace Parents - From the editor of PCMag.com.

Keep Your Kids Safe on MySpace ARTICLE DATE: 06.25.08!

This article was posted without permission as of 2008.06.26. I'm hoping that PC Magazine won't make me take it down as I think this an excellent article that should be spread.

The link to the original article is here. http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2321587,00.asp

By Lance Ulanoff .

As the parent of a teen, I'm coming to the slow and somewhat unpleasant realization that I may have misjudged MySpace. I'm not saying that I have any higher opinion of the social-networking environment than before, but I'm not so sure it's going anywhere anytime soon. How could something that's so perfect a reflection of the teenage psyche ever disappear?

The teen mind, as best as I can discern from the teens I know (and vague recollections of my own teenage years), is an ever-shifting miasma of emotion, pain, euphoria, sexual interest, and a measurement of one's social status. That's also a pitch-perfect description of most MySpace pages. They're confused, muddled, and urgent. If you could shake the contents of a teenage mind out onto a page, I imagine that these pages are exactly what you'd find.

Thing is, some of the pages aren't built by teens. They're built and maintained by predators (ah, but you knew this already), and quite a few were built and are now maintained by parents (this, perhaps, you didn't know). What are parents doing on MySpace? Well, some are there for legitimate reasons, and others—well, the reasons seem murkier.

In one widely publicized case, a teenage girl committed suicide after a friendship she'd developed on MySpace turned sour. She thought she was communicating with a teenage boy, but the messages she was reading were, allegedly, being written by the parents of a former friend. People lying online—and especially on MySpace—is nothing new, and this isn't the first time I've heard of parents going online as their children to "protect them" or settle a score. But it does put a new twist on all the time-worn advice I often give for protecting our children online. Let's go through my basic rules for MySpace (and other social-networking sites):

Don't Assume You Know: I regularly talk to parents who believe that their children aren't online when they're not around. Typically, they're wrong. One of the best ways to find out what your kid is doing online is to talk to the parents of your kid's best friend. You'll likely discover that, say, your daughter is not only on MySpace but has multiple profiles. It's not uncommon for teens to create one profile that reflects more or less who they really are and another that's a more extreme version of themselves.

Don't Assume They Don't Know: If you haven't visited MySpace, Facebook, Bebo, Friendster, or any other social-networking site and you never talk about them with your kids, do not assume that your child is unaware of their existence. Young children, who are typically more open about their online desires ("Please, Mommy, can I go on Club Penguin?") are maturing into teens with social-networking hardwired into their psyches. They already know exactly where to go and what to do.

They're Smarter than You: While you're still struggling to figure out how to transfer your photos from your digital camera to your PC, your teenage sons and daughters are doing some expert Photoshop work to make themselves look just a bit tougher, cooler, sexier than they do in person. And they're posting these images on their MySpace pages (one 14-year-old girl I read about was posting lingerie shots—and her parents had no idea). More likely, however, they know how to copy and paste photos from other sites into their own profiles. Do you know how to do this? Probably not.

They Won't Always Tell the Truth: When you're sitting at the dinner table discussing the tragedy of the MySpace teen who committed suicide, or the local kid that got caught posting illegal songs, or the kid that was using his profile to taunt and intimidate other kids in school, don't expect Junior to talk openly about his online activities. In fact, if you ask him about it, he may simply tell you he doesn't have a profile.

Discouraging, I know, but these are the harsh realities of our online generation gap. You can do a few things to improve the situation:

Move the PC to a Central Location: I say this all the time, though I know that most parents let their teens have PCs and Internet connections in their bedrooms and then let them close the door and spend hours online alone. This is a mistake. Teens under 18 should not be online away from the watchful eyes of their parents. You don't have to stand over your kid's shoulder. Just having you in the vicinity will discourage a world of shenanigans.

Install Parental-Control Software: We've reviewed some pretty intense apps here at PCMag.com. Safe Eyes and Net Nanny both do an excellent job of controlling Internet access and reporting on social-networking activities. They'll even tell you when someone on your network has shared personal information (full name, address, and so on). If you do use this stuff, however, please tell your kids in advance. A big part of the success of any of these tactics is trust. Your children will likely argue that "trusting" them means you should let them go online alone and without parental interference. Explain to them that you do trust them, and that it's everyone else out there who may not be as trustworthy. Tell them that you would no sooner let them go online without protection than you would allow them to walk alone at night in the worst part of town.

Be Yourself: If you want to get involved with your teen's online activities, go ahead and create your own MySpace, Facebook, Bebo, YouTube, and even Twitter accounts. Set a good example, and don't lie about who you are online. Being out there, involved, and aware of what's going on in these environments will make it much easier for you to engage with your always-online teen.

Judging by conversations I've been having, most seemingly intelligent parents are not doing any of these things. The less-intelligent ones—those who, say, drive around without their seatbelts on—are locks for not knowing the first thing about protecting their kids and themselves online.

The Internet is a wonderful tool, but in some situations it seems to magnify our frailties. We have to harden ourselves a bit if we want our children to enjoy the fruits of online access without everything else turning rotten.

This article was posted without permission as of 2008.06.26. I'm hoping that PC Magazine won't make me take it down as I think this an excellent article that should be spread.

The link to the original article is here. http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2321587,00.asp